Ways to Help Children Cope

1. Tell your children about the divorce as soon as it becomes a firm decision. Present your decision as one the parents arrived at only after exhausting every other way of resolving their differences. If possible, both parents should talk to the children at the same time.
2. Assure your children that the divorce is not their fault—many children blame themselves for their parents' divorce.
3. Make sure that your children know that the divorce is between the adults and that mom and dad will never divorce them and will always take care of them.
4. Listen to your children and validate their feelings.
5. Refrain from disparaging your spouse in front of your children as this may harm their self-esteem.
6. Facilitate and encourage contacts between your former spouse and your children, but do not use them as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less children know about your conflict, the less tense and anxious they will be.
7. Lavish them with affection and remind yourself often that their interests take precedence over yours.
8. Let your children be children and do not burden them with your own feelings of sadness or anger—have a friend, a family member or a trained professional attend to your emotional needs.
9. Empower older children by letting them make suggestions about matters concerning them but do not make them responsible for major decisions.
10. If possible, do not uproot your children. You should let them know, however, that your living arrangements and your income may change. Pay your child support and, if you are receiving it, do not complain to the children about it: they are powerless to change it and may feel even more abandoned by the non-paying parent.
11. Always communicate with your former spouse about issues concerning the children.